It's in the air, and I'm not talking about the firework smoke.

***

Happy New Year, darlings. I think my resolution would be to: grow. The resolution might be a tease, actually. I grow everyday; I'm only human. To grow through knowledge, through religion, through the hardest times and through the most memorable of times-I'm already ahead of my resolution. So, it's like a way of cheating. We learn something new everyday and we age every single moment. To grow is something I can achieve but also push myself into believing I need. What's your 2011 resolution?

Good morning, goodnight. I spent my New Year's Eve with a friend of mine named Yuliya (the model). We watched a Russian New Years party on television and sipped some sparkling cider with our caviar and Chinese food. Interesting combination, although it wasn't at the same time. We played some dress up, took photos, read some poetry, entertained ourselves with stories and thoughts on the future.

When the ball dropped, we did what everyone else was doing: yelling and smiling, laughing and hitting crystal glass to crystal glass (champagne vs cider-we had the cider). We also ran outside to check out the fireworks. There were four different directions to look for the exploding colors across the blue night. It was nice. Back inside, more chatting and music until I packed up my things and headed out.

In the car, I was a little nervous to make ends meet with drunk drivers. I was surprised with all the cars out and about at such a time: one o'clock. Thankfully, I only live two minutes up the street. Justin Nozuka's second album, You I Wind Land and Sea kept me calm and soothed out.

I really hope that this year will always feel refreshing. This is the rebirth to new improved people-self included.

I know, we should all have goals and resolutions about everyday life, no need to state it. This is just a bigger bang and a team effort. This future will bring things together, break things apart, and be different. I can feel it.

It's in the air, and I'm not talking about the firework smoke.

***

There is no such thing as a clear mind.

If there is no time, there is no life; there is a moment, if not moments. With time, there is life.

quite right

I haven't written in a while, so allow me to update my life.

I could tell you that today was just another average day, but I would be bluffing. Today I interviewed a new friend named Rob Max who is the executive director for this awesome non-profit organization called Sweet Relief. The musicians fund helps musicians who are struggling to make ends meet while facing illness, disability, and age related problems. I learned so much about those lives who are affected with MS, Multiple Sclerosis, and others like Lester Chambers who is facing both illness and age related problems. We had such a fun time on set and working with a few classmates who were directing, shooting, and editing.

Broadcast journalism is an interesting place to be. I've been involved with theatre in the past, but working on a set or in a studio is on a whole different level. I can truly state that I have improved my on-camera confidence from when I first stepped foot into this class. This interview lasted about three minutes after a few run through rehearsals. Not one nervous drip of sweat, but then again I was shivering in the sixty degree overcast while wearing a sheer black dress. I don't know if I'll take any more television classes in the future, but I am grateful for putting this one on my schedule because I have a better taste of what the industry is all about.

Look out world, for I have picked up some confidence keys. I came into broadcast journalism thinking the class would help me be comfortable and relaxed in my own skin as well as public speaking skills. Better late than never right? Today was my last day in the course, and I can honestly say that I stand an inch or two taller. Every individual in the class is talented and beautiful. I suppose you ought to be to be in front of the camera, eh?

I also look up to a certain individual. He is quite handsome, yet, very intelligent and confident. The first thing I notice about a person is how he or she carries themselves. Stand tall, be polite, remain thyself.

xo

Mamma Mia!

ours

Begin looking for an escape. I want to leave so that I can feel the need to see you again. I don't feel anymore; I'm numb.

Listen to the words.
Brush it off your shoulder.

Sometimes it sucks to know how to not suck up. That doesn't make you wronged, either. P.S. This is all via text. P.S.S. I'm sleeping upside down. Sanity, check.

It takes more effort resisting in doing something than rightfully doing it.

untitled

To quit writing would be inhuman; to quit writing would make one seem almost alienated. I have not quit writing. In order to conjure my spirits once again, more over, I would like to take the time to appeal for my wrong doings. Which, you might ask? Any, is my answer. No specifications, no more little details-although those will be missed-no more of this bull shit. No more. Regardless of what anyone will say, today will be a worry-free day.
Thinking light and in the most simplistic terms.


Buenos Nachos, Buenos Dias.

Right here

For one moment, daydream. Sit and imagine you have not one thing to do. Not one crumb on your slick plate. Not one. No matter where you are, do it. Do it as you read this, and consume yourself into my words. You can hear nothing but my words. My words are the only thing you know. Listen. Listen to the rain. Watch the way is falls. Watch the pattern dripping from your roof top out the window. My blinds are closed, two are peeking out to the sky. My eyes go beyond the sky. The world is transparent. Nothing is in my way. Focus. Count how many drops heard every moment. Your moments might be longer than my moments. My moments might be longer than your moments. Look straight through your shield, and to the trees. The hallow roots stand in sorrow. My lamp is dim. My desk, scattered in letters to NY. "The distance is only physical, my love," written on the back of the envelope where my saliva and banana yellow paper meet. My kitten, lying under my office chair sound asleep, as my left foot is folded under my right so that I don't hit her by fault. What lay between the keyboard and my soul is a to do list as following: clean room, find journalism photos for interview, choose psychology research topic, study for journalism test on Wednesday, Bonnie and Clyde?, letters to lovelies, and create a birthday wishlist. What a net. As for tonight, I choose between an a cappella show or a symphony for extra credit. Either way, it's going to be a nice night. The rain is much calmer now. Are you still here? Look up, at the ceiling, or at the stars, whatever time it may be while you read along, and smile. You don't need a reason to smile. Do it. I'm not asking you, I'm telling you. Have a wonderful day. I'm always here for you, as cliche and misused as that saying is.

What? What!? What.

     I'm certain we all ponder about the subject, and to ponder a moment overtime would just knock me to the right as an assassin would shoot his victim in the head. I cant take it. Why must we choose one thing in life to be our life? Let’s dive into this. It’s on every college student’s mind, every high school and even middle school student’s twisted mind. How must we go to school to begin learning about something in specific and mere detail that we must spend the rest of our life with, depending on that one skill to give us life?

     Life can mean multiple things. Life is not just getting by, life is survival. Life is breathing, life is getting you to that 45-minutes-stuck-in-traffic-meeting, a delicious piece of pie, a runner’s high, blinking, nervous habits such as swallowing your saliva, tears of “joy,” and “sorrow,” a breath of fresh air in the white man-made snow, a bruise on the right knee cap, a crooked tooth getting shaved at the dentist’s office on a Friday evening, feeling relief after using the restroom, giving birth, falling in love, a punch in the shoulder, a blow of a kiss, a pump of the heart, curling your toes, biting your bottom crusted lip waiting to buy a new chapstick, failing a test, REM sleep, intuition, a physical distance, a physical appearance, a decision, a dreamer’s nightmare, a nightmare’s fantasy, and so on and so forth. Life; it’s a gosh darn fill-in-the-blank.

I feel as if reading a novel or a poem is like having a conversation with the author; the reader being more of the listener, unless markings define responses.

Do it so that you have stories to tell, and make them ridiculous. Make them so unbelievable. Make them real.

Have you ever payed attention to the street signs, the ads, the song coming on the radio, that... episodic feeling of rejoice and fidelity? What about the ease off your chest, that sleeping melody, the feeling of balance, of being in, here, fully aware and what about stability? Always question yourself inside. Always ask yourself how you can better a moment, a wish, shoot-even an outfit.

And maybe it's over-analyzed. Maybe there's nothing there. No signs, no meaning, no reason. We just are what we are.

life on paper

Aside from that anger-at-my-fingertips-like-fire-from-Ang-the-Avatar, if you look at my life on paper, it looks like a sweet cookie took a bite out of Mr. Bitter. What I mean is, it looks and sounds incredible, if that isn’t too dolled up to say great at the least. It doesn’t feel that way. Allow me to pour you an example like a glass of water.

Last Friday: Laguna Beach with a good friend, bought an outfit, watched the sunset.

Saturday: Gene’s bonfire, made some new friends, crashed two weddings with Marwa, a midnight treat of In-n-out

Sunday: Babysit, watched a movie

Monday: Relaxing day

Tuesday: Nice school day, Disneyland for the rest

Wednesday: Filmed in journalism, looked kind of awesome, yes

Thursday (today): Happy Veteran’s Day to all! Furniture shopping, met so many people, added a stack more of business cards to my collection of my aunt’s indecisiveness, and continued hitting up a dozen stores, passed out, finished some homework

Friday: Class, culinary run with Kayla, counsel apt, Jamie drop-by, Jess date for the evening

Refreshing, isn’t it? So it seems, until you chug it away, being left with a stomach ache.

My cuppa tea is to ease this all away and look at the simple things. Let's just relax and sleep on it. Let it go. I have been really good about taking myself out of a situation and thinking, "Just watch. Don't fret." Seeing slow actions from afar. Provoking thought. Creating a more tense walk yet a less frustrating sight and a stern time on heart beats. 

Oh yeah, and you could totally stalk my life with this oh-so-not-detailed schedule. Maybe. Possibly. Definitely maybe. I wonder if any of my professors read my blog..

Thrill me, don't bill me

Tomorrow’s horoscope: Friday, November 12, 2010

You're wasting your energy, Sagittarius, and you know it. You go out to dinner, attend parties and shows, but you're never really present. You listen to people but what they're saying doesn't interest you in any fundamental way. Yes, you're bored, and you're afraid to admit it to yourself. The depth of your inner search requires that you use a lot of energy to reexamine your life.

How do you know?! Listening to someone else, or a computer, rather, allows me to see the truth. How sad is that? I am bored. I’ve been bored with life. I seek out adrenaline-pumping situations that I wouldn't ordinarily do, things that would get me in trouble, things that aren’t like me. Instead of attending a few of the bundle parties I get invited to, I crash a wedding. Instead of watching a popular television show with I’m-ridiculously-good-looking ‘actors,’ I sneak on a set of the show being filmed. Instead of watching the drunks run into the water along the sea’s side, I’m running with them (sober).

I’m so tired and so bored with my life. It screams change, but I don’t dare open to door too much, just peek a little so that I can feel the slight breeze. It’s not enough. I need full action. Full on ridicule that allows me to wake up the next morning saying, instead of thinking, “Fuck yeah, I did that.”

This didn't change. Your perspective changed.

There's just so much out there. If only we all just... look up. We are not alone. That's why there's 6 billion of us out there, right?