Change habits.

tag along

A little update, as Sister Hazel quietly drifts through the air of my stuffy room.

Please excuse my laziness and lack of vocabulary, comma splices, sentence fragments, etc. Thank you.

Dust is out. Smile is on. Made your day. Came out strong. This weekend, you know, after skipping class twice out of four days... (define discipline?). Friday, I checked out this movie premier for a short film called "GIRL" because I got an invite from a friend's friend online. Decided to go, and turned down a show at a cafe and something that does not come to mind at the moment. Lovely, lovely people to say the least. May I mention, whom are all exceedingly lookers? Yes. Yes indeed. That I sprouted a tiny seed of friendship with? Why, yes. Yes I did. Thank you charm of mine. I am very excited to see them in the future, along with GIRL's pt II and part III: BOY and GOD.
Afterward, C and I went to Coldstone.



Went home, practiced/crammed guitar. Failed. Knocked out.

Slept in and didn't feel too hot. Woke up with what could have been a cold sore. Not only that, but a bug bite, too. Now, in this very moment, a part of my gum tore. Very comfortable..


Saturday: KB and I baked cookies. Miss that woman. She's wonderful. Caught up on life. Took a nice drive. Right after, UCR. Let's make it brief, let's use some netting in here:

Handsome door man, French cookies, phone's short life in battery form, aloe juice with mangoes, cards, shivering me timbers, printed superman tights, black gloves, mascara that stays on for far too long, my boo, stories about mistakes, lost tickets, torn tickets, security on every corner, music festival and parking spaces, darkness, below temperature, Winco, souvenirs, giant blocks of milk and dark chocolate, In-n-out in every city, gas stations, clubs, frats, chain smokers, fashionistas, Proof Bar, the Kogi Truck, unneeded coins, boots for out feet, iced fingers, starvation leading to attack mouth first, look-alikes, cheese slurping, mail, video games, playing a four stringed instrument in perfect tune, sticky notes and being shady, delivering deactivating the account, lines and golf cars, wrong partners in crime, smiles, hype, young night, brief drives, thoroughness, lack of darts and conversation, secret passages, acting, hating, being grateful.

Today, Sunday "funday":


The only place you'll find a truck of oranges and lemons, cowboys and Indians interacting, Jamaican men pulling trash cans, Spanish music, bargain deals, Greek Gods, and sweat - the swapmeet.

Sometimes worth it, other times not. Just like school. Sarcasm? Hm.

I bought a vintage necklace hanger, a floral gold hair clip, and a churro. Half the time I stood alone. The rest of the time, I sat on a curb waiting for my party to escort themselves in my directions. I was a little too quick. Hair in bun, oversized cardigan, skinnies, studded Sperry-Sliders, leftover makeup, shades, and earphones in with six bucks in my pocket. I was ready.

Home home home. Family on bikes. Shower. Museum, videos, friends, cool attractions, fun and games, tiredness, callus, asking for answers and receiving more, winning fossils (who wins fossils)? Long walks, bridges, extra cash, closed doors, cute dads, unusual outfit yet appealing, new food, fake birthdays, humor to a whole new level, shuffle, natural, and more mascara.

Until I can remember what happened last night...

Fresh faces, new places, wanting to cry out, wanting to live.

just

If you aren't admired here, if you feel like they want to rid your flesh, if you want to bang your head against that glass table, if you want to throw up your feelings, if you feel the strength-the strength that can set you free, if you feel anxious and have high cholesterol, if you want to kick ass, if you don't feel at all, if they energy isn't right, if the spirits are out of sight, if your thoughts are not spot on, if you're high off live, if you are more you than you, if you want to let go, if you want to sink in, if you want to just float, if you clench your teeth, if you want to lay low, if you cannot begin to treat yourself, if you have no clue, if you have too many things, if you're less of a minimalist, if you feel like dying-yes, we all feel like dying, if you are hopeless, if you have already faced the demons, if you said too much or not enough, if you are bruised and broken, if you can't find serenity, if your self defense wasn't strong enough, if you are left untouched, if you are are relieved, if you tear up, if you find beauty, if you don't love but feel loved, if you aren't ordinarily outspoken, if you lit the candles before dark, if you have lost the balance, if you feel the roots, if you just can't do it, if you

if you

if you

if. you.

if you

you
you

you

you
you

if

if you

i f  y o u..

illusion

Time sways. Time mocks. Time crawls. Time creeps. Time draws. Time sings. Time does it all.
When you don't feel, turn on the right tune. Knock off the cat's meow.
Call it a night-a night away from the discontinuing energy. Create your own field of attraction. Listen to that gut, big or small, and throw on those headphones. Pick up the pen. Don't escape, but escort yourself out. Atta boy. Proper, just like his grandfather taught him.

7

Aren't the bad days the ones that make you feel?

On and off sensitivity. I figured that if I decided to write and blow off steam, it would allow me to escape.
It's times like these where I just want to drop out of school. (I'm not going to drop out of school).
I feel that my social life is making me ill. I don't want to see the same people, I want fresh faces.
The negative flow of energy in this household suffocates me. When I grab the keys to go, where do I go?
Let's not try anymore. Let's just flow. Let's just go. Us: my mind and spirit, in tact.
It's been an off week. I have no expectations on what will go on, what will fall through, who to speak to.
Thrust.
It's in the air. They're all looking my way. Am I supposed to please them? Is there something I should say?
I don't want to be picked on, what made her call my name? The whole class laughs and I smirk, "it's okay."
In the locker room, I splash water to my face. The girls are whispering below me, reflective in the glass. What did I do? If there's something going on, I'd like to know. It was tough to hold my head high this evening. Slumping offers no acceptance-from myself. I just want to be. Let me be. I don't bite. Smile. Dearly smile. Women project unacceptable remarks. I don't have to care. I never let anything get to me. Why this? I knew she was a tough teacher, but c'mon, the row of young women behind me were giving up on their poses and I kept still; arms shaking, but in position. Still.

Nothingness mounts to something. The drive will project result. Illustrate yourself. They'll believe whatever you tell them.
Sweat it out.

Breathe. Catch up with your thoughts.

Give love, no matter how difficult it is to give love in a mood such as here.

Give love, restore faith, practice patience, persistence, and passion. One day I'll master it all.
For now, restore faith. Talking myself up should help, but I feel no better.

When there's no where to look, just pause and keep on. Hang in there.
No dwells. Anytime I'm feeling down, just look up-at the sky and stars. You are not alone. You got it good. You can better yourself.

Restore faith.