'healing my throat, choking my neck with a giant scarf, and burning up on multiple levels. i hate writing because my english teacher . i hate thinking about what i'm going to say. i have become paranoid. i do it to myself. i can't sleep without waking up with a tooth ache. i am sick of having a social life. i need to think for myself. be with myself. actually move myself. will it happen this time? venting is preventing me to vent. staying simple because bill says so. stop pushing me. its one of those days where i give up. i dont care. push me around and forget about it. it was a dazed dream and i didnt stop it. i dont know and you dont care. or you care too much that makes me not want to care. what are you doing anyway? why me? spit it out and treat me like royalty and mean  it. i want my room back. i want my dream. a dream. i have no dream. once you tell, its not a secret. i am not in love with anything. how am i supposed to go through life without knowing what love is, what im going to be, what i want to be, first; where i want to go and who i want to be with. what is it? i dont know. i dont know what im giving up on because i have no love. i have nothing to lose. i have no reason to wake up. no self motivation. no real dream. i don't care about a thing right now. lately. im only using my right brain. my senses. my legs. and no drive. no driven life. so what does this mean? open your eyes, widely and stay still. blunt. what is it that you feel? thinking and feeling are different. sanity, that's just telling yourself you are okay. we are not okay. we are never okay. okay seems to be bland and normal. what is life? what is love? what is it, that i want?'