They say, "keep calm and carry on" when all I want to do is quit.

You know, that calming feeling you get when you know these people have your back? It makes me think, this is "family" whether you're legally related or not. End of discussion. They are the ones who keep you grounded, keep you going whether they back you up on reckless life decisions or a stupid indecisive moment on something that doesn't... that won't affect your life at the end of the day. They don't understand what goes up in your mind, through it, caged in, or what isn't up there, and they still got you.
I don't mind being alone. I actually prefer it. I mean, I enjoy doing my own thing. I'm a "keep to yourself" kind of company.
She hoveled me with questions, two after three, one more, tension arose. I understand. She thinks of me as "pacing, mysterious." I guess we don't always want to be in the spotlight, the life of every party, if you will.
I felt like I was a bug, thrown under a microscope and examined, trying to get into my head by an alien creature. Trying to figure me out, when every remark at a cold morning like this, just jumped into a deeper misunderstanding. A new hole, every time. Forgive me for being over emotional, but I wanted to hold it all in, hold my breathe until a breeze came by so I can disconnect myself from these words. To let go. I wasn't fully myself. I was a bit off-guard and mis-figured... out.
Out of this world. Out of my head, into another's and I almost felt dead. This wasn't my first time.


Spending what you feel like is too much, take a step back and let it go for a little while. Until you have some space. Distract yourself. Getting close, close to someone is not as easy for me anymore when they think you aren't what they want. I'm changing right now, this is my process. This is my documentation. This is just me going through a difficult time with my path in life, even though I know it will end sweeter than I imagine.
I hope you understand, that as much as I am addicted to you, it's a poison for me. I'm still learning to cope.
I can't say how I feel about you now, because when I speak, it's bumper-sticker talk, Aristotle quotes and my own theories and experiences. When I write, I can tell you exactly how I feel, even if all you gotta do is read along. Sadly. I'll get there. And I'll accept my changing, as you will too, because everyone does.
I don't know what I want. I don't know what I have. I know that I have motivation and focus, but would possibly need it more often than how often I use it. Confidence? I've already got that.
Just feel like when I bring in a new soul, it changes me more than I believe, right between the lines, and all I ever wanted to do was move you. 
I must say, when I heard my boy on the radio today, as I was shopping distractedly, I dropped everything and felt safe again. Right again, untroubled again, and that took me through the night.


She said I'm too complicated, too messed up. I laugh to myself, a light, worried laugh. The way I see it, I'm simple. You just have your own pair of eyes. Stick 'em to your lens.